As I sit in the hotel room on my mini vacay getaway. A lot of things led up to it. My business was almost in shambles due to a disgruntled business person I was connected with. I wasn’t going to go feeling like I had to focus on taking care of all the issues connected to it.
My sister encouraged me to get away so I did. Everyday I still worked just not in the same capacity, I did make sure that I am enjoying myself. My trip will come to a close tomorrow. 5 days and it has truly been enjoyable.
As I got on the plane. The grief hit me like a brick. I missed my husband. I missed us passing things back and forth out of my carry on. I missed his protection when we travel. I sat next to a nice man that allowed us to have a seat between and gave me the window seat. I was glad it was a night flight as I sat and cried silently while looking out the window.
I will forever miss my husband desperately. Honestly not one man I have ever dated has lived up to the man that he was. I wanted his hand to hold on take off. I do this thing where I talk to the pilot in my head of course and then I tell him get the wheels up, wheels up, wheels up!! I then just used to hold my husband’s hand and pray. Once the wheels are up. I am like yaaaah you did it! We are in the air. Its still my ritual but without my husband it feels strange.None of that truly matters I still miss my husband..
Being married is about more than weddings, rings, and just saying your married and taking cute pictures. It has to be a true partnership. I miss not seeing the boys together cutting up. My oldest checked on me like he was grown the little one was always cutting up.
I truly realized I was missing my family after 15 years. I will never go a day without missing my husband and child. Some days are just better than others. Cutting a family of four down to two is simply something that will never be the same.
Keep in mind there is no time frame for how long you miss someone. Some things can trigger us into our grief. Travel is one of those triggers for me, we traveled a lot! I didn’t cry long on the plane but I did cry. I am ok. You will be ok too. Shed the tears and move on. We are truly not equipped to lose the ones we love. It hurts us to our core being and we don’t really know what to do.
I pray tomorrow that getting through the airport will be smooth as far as feelings go. Whatever you are going through in your grief, It is temporary but understand your grief is permanent. I will not still be crying next week over missing traveling with my family. I may miss them the next time I jump on a plane and guess what that is ok too.
